So I have this sister in law who has posted simple requests for simple opinions on a couple of topics the past two Sunday evenings. Maybe I find myself with a little bit of time at the end of the weekend, but whatever the reason, I have found myself offering very lengthy opinion response pieces to her posts. As evidenced by this blog, I don't write near enough and I sometimes wonder, what really it is that would light a fire under me to want to write more. I'm not sure why her posts have prompted my essays. Perhaps she should start sending them to me privately and I'd actually have something I cared enough to blog about.
Tonight she sought for suggestions on the best internet filter out there. She's used K9 (it's free), but didn't like it. I started writing my response and by the fourth paragraph decided it was probably inappropriate to take her string hostage so I relented to leaving simply a link to my blog post here.
My response:
What's with your Sunday evening thought provokers that seem to capture my long winded opinions? You got me again. I hated that stupid dog barking all the time from K9 and never felt like it did any good. We now use Net Nanny http://www.netnanny.com/ and really like it. It is not free - but it is worth every penny. I think it's about $40/year for one computer and if I remember right they have a package that covers all of the electronic devices in your home for around $70. The logo and marketing used to be really bad and on our older version makes you feel like Amelia Bedelia is shaking her finger at you, but it has still been very effective. It looks like they're now trying to appeal to a broader audience which is good. I'm pretty sure they are a locally based company run by an ISYS professor at BYU. The filter can be a bit obnoxious as it is fairly sensitive and catches a lot of stuff, but it can also be highly customized to your needs and wants It is amazing how many different things you can choose to block. I think you can even have the settings automatically adjust depending on whose logged into the computer. Now to my lengthy opinion on filters in general - continue reading only when you need help getting to sleep:
My experience is that having a filter is a nice idea, but it is really only as good as the communication and transparency that exists within your family and the system you have in place for keeping each other safe. In our family, Kara is the filter captain. But we both have the password to override, and every catch is sent to a predetermined email address. We found that getting a filter facilitated a new transparency in our home that we were not even aware had been absent. We established a family policy that anyone can ask about things on the filter at any time. This policy has driven a lot of great conversations as our awareness of just how much subtle stuff is out there that we are subconsciously sifting through all of the time. Most of our filter conversations are prompted by funny experiences like when the filter goes crazy when I'm streaming NBA games on really crappy web hosting sites, or when Kara has to admit to clicking on some quality celebrity article on cnn.com about somebody's latest plastic surgery.
I look forward to having these same types of open dialogues both funny and serious as our family continues to have adventures on the internet. Particularly as our children get older and will undoubtedly have opportunities to participate in these dialogues, I will be grateful that we have established these practices long before they ever were relevant for them. I believe that everyone should have not only a filter, but a system in place that keeps their family safe. Most families choose not to have premium cable channels because of inappropriate content, but seem to have no problem allowing all of the wickedness in the world to be piping through their in home wi-fi 24 hours a day. We take great precautions to establish passwords that keep anyone from hacking into our most precious possessions - our credit card numbers, but don't seem to be sufficiently aware to protect the sanctity of our marriages or the irreplaceable souls of our children.
I love telling people that we have Net Nanny and then listening to them joke about cleaning up the porn problem in our house. I have met many people who think that they don't need a filter because they don't deal with "those temptations". My opinion is that anyone who has those feelings is not being honest with themselves about their own vulnerabilities and perhaps more importantly, the vulnerabilities of those over whom they have been given stewardship. Filters don't ultimately save our families, but transparency in our relationships does. There is a cool confidence that comes with knowing that we share in all of our individual activities online. We discuss a lot more the articles we read, the videos we watch, etc. It's brought our respective individual online experiences into our home for enriching discussions. I've also noted how the filter has helped us to not waste as much time on frivolous things as well, as it's sensitive nature sometimes requires me to pause just long enough to realize that I don't really need to know the details of Demi Moore's trip to the hospital that according to Net Nanny had something to do with "Drugs/Alcohol".
Filters are a great tool to use to open meaningful dialogues that strengthen relationships, introduce humor to sensitive subjects, and perhaps even offer a glimmer of hope that can help a family member to break free from the bondage of isolation and secrecy and step into the light that comes with transparency. If you made it through all of that, take time to establish your family's internet policies today! You might find yourself grateful for the experiences you'll share.
