Net Nanny and My Lengthy Opinion on Internet Filters

So I have this sister in law who has posted simple requests for simple opinions on a couple of topics the past two Sunday evenings. Maybe I find myself with a little bit of time at the end of the weekend, but whatever the reason, I have found myself offering very lengthy opinion response pieces to her posts. As evidenced by this blog, I don't write near enough and I sometimes wonder, what really it is that would light a fire under me to want to write more. I'm not sure why her posts have prompted my essays. Perhaps she should start sending them to me privately and I'd actually have something I cared enough to blog about.

Tonight she sought for suggestions on the best internet filter out there. She's used K9 (it's free), but didn't like it. I started writing my response and by the fourth paragraph decided it was probably inappropriate to take her string hostage so I relented to leaving simply a link to my blog post here.

My response:

What's with your Sunday evening thought provokers that seem to capture my long winded opinions? You got me again. I hated that stupid dog barking all the time from K9 and never felt like it did any good. We now use Net Nanny http://www.netnanny.com/ and really like it. It is not free - but it is worth every penny. I think it's about $40/year for one computer and if I remember right they have a package that covers all of the electronic devices in your home for around $70. The logo and marketing used to be really bad and on our older version makes you feel like Amelia Bedelia is shaking her finger at you, but it has still been very effective. It looks like they're now trying to appeal to a broader audience which is good. I'm pretty sure they are a locally based company run by an ISYS professor at BYU. The filter can be a bit obnoxious as it is fairly sensitive and catches a lot of stuff, but it can also be highly customized to your needs and wants It is amazing how many different things you can choose to block. I think you can even have the settings automatically adjust depending on whose logged into the computer. Now to my lengthy opinion on filters in general - continue reading only when you need help getting to sleep:
                                                                                                
 My experience is that having a filter is a nice idea, but it is really only as good as the communication and transparency that exists within your family and the system you have in place for keeping each other safe. In our family, Kara is the filter captain. But we both have the password to override, and every catch is sent to a predetermined email address. We found that getting a filter facilitated a new transparency in our home that we were not even aware had been absent. We established a family policy that anyone can ask about things on the filter at any time. This policy has driven a lot of great conversations as our awareness of just how much subtle stuff is out there that we are subconsciously sifting through all of the time. Most of our filter conversations are prompted by funny experiences like when the filter goes crazy when I'm streaming NBA games on really crappy web hosting sites, or when Kara has to admit to clicking on some quality celebrity article on cnn.com about somebody's latest plastic surgery.

I look forward to having these same types of open dialogues both funny and serious as our family continues to have adventures on the internet. Particularly as our children get older and will undoubtedly have opportunities to participate in these dialogues, I will be grateful that we have established these practices long before they ever were relevant for them. I believe that everyone should have not only a filter, but a system in place that keeps their family safe. Most families choose not to have premium cable channels because of inappropriate content, but seem to have no problem allowing all of the wickedness in the world to be piping through their in home wi-fi 24 hours a day. We take great precautions to establish passwords that keep anyone from hacking into our most precious possessions - our credit card numbers, but don't seem to be sufficiently aware to protect the sanctity of our marriages or the irreplaceable souls of our children.

I love telling people that we have Net Nanny and then listening to them joke about cleaning up the porn problem in our house. I have met many people who think that they don't need a filter because they don't deal with "those temptations". My opinion is that anyone who has those feelings is not being honest with themselves about their own vulnerabilities and perhaps more importantly, the vulnerabilities of those over whom they have been given stewardship. Filters don't ultimately save our families, but transparency in our relationships does. There is a cool confidence that comes with knowing that we share in all of our individual activities online. We discuss a lot more the articles we read, the videos we watch, etc. It's brought our respective individual online experiences into our home for enriching discussions. I've also noted how the filter has helped us to not waste as much time on frivolous things as well, as it's sensitive nature sometimes requires me to pause just long enough to realize that I don't really need to know the details of Demi Moore's trip to the hospital that according to Net Nanny had something to do with "Drugs/Alcohol".

Filters are a great tool to use to open meaningful dialogues that strengthen relationships, introduce humor to sensitive subjects, and perhaps even offer a glimmer of hope that can help a family member to break free from the bondage of isolation and secrecy and step into the light that comes with transparency. If you made it through all of that, take time to establish your family's internet policies today! You might find yourself grateful for the experiences you'll share.

Back to School

It's good to be back home and jumping right back into the good life again. I have been helping with some of the orientation for first year students at school which has been a good experience. I have been assigned to mentor a great group of incoming students. In many ways, I feel like I have more to learn from them than I do to offer. Hopefully they won't figure that out for a couple of more days. Today I actually felt rather stressed with all that I still need to do to land a job.

There's something definitely exciting about this time of year when schools open their doors again. It's been very easy to recapture the enthusiasm for my own educational pursuits. But what really caught me by surprise tonight was the excitement that our kids have for returning to school. I suppose it is really pretty obvious, but it is funny to see how they each capture the magic of a new year.

I came home a little early tonight so that we could go to back to school night with the kids. I've grown pretty protective of our Monday nights and wasn't too thrilled to have to go to the school the night before the first day of classes. At our house, school activity nights seem to never end and tonight was no different.

We decided to walk up to the school tonight. Fortunately for us, Josh's legs worked all the way to the corner and only quit when we were just turning to head up the hill. Thank goodness, that I had a firm grip on the stroller so that Kara could push Josh up the hill on his scooter. It never ceases to amaze me how his legs can suddenly start working again the minute he hits a flat or downhill slope. He really has us trained so pathetically well.

Lia and Laura were thrilled to meet their teachers. Lia got to pick out her own desk and I could tell she was a little nervous to be put on the spot for such an important decision. I have always felt like I am a young parent, but I occasionally have wake up calls that remind me that time hasn't slowed for me any more than you. I'm pretty sure Lia's teacher is closer to Lia's age than she is mine. I got nervous when she asked Lia about her summer, but was relieved when Lia reported on the positive aspects of being in Portland all summer. She said that she liked all of the different people that were there. We have talked about always speaking positively of our experiences and I was relieved that a little bit had sunk in.

Once we finally got home and had dinner, wrangled the kids into the house, and then did the same with Kara at least three times before she finally told the neighbors good night, we finally got to settle down for family home evening. Laura's emotions were about 10 years beyond her age as the back to school nerves had her jumping around in a tantrum one moment and chasing Megan and Josh with exuberant laughter the next. Finally things were quelled just enough for a surprisingly calming rendition of I Love to See the Temple.

We did our "back to school blessings" tonight which actually turned out to be very sweet amidst the normal chaos. Josh actually volunteered to be first after telling us that he can't ever hear Heavenly Father talking back when he prays. I was proud of him for volunteering to be first. Laura was next and was concerned about her ability to do math this year. After Laura, Megan started pointing at herself and then at the chair. She marched over and reverently sat down in the chair with her arms folded. Josh was laying upside down on the couch with his eyes closed as tight as possible while Megan bowed her head, closed her eyes, and mumbled in tongues while she waited for her blessing. It was even more adorable than I've described here. After she was done, she followed her siblings examples and gave me a big hug.

As the bell rings tomorrow, I'll offer a little prayer of gratitude for the grounding influence of children. May they each find ambition and experience success this year.

Sensational Summer

After 8 months, I've decided to try my hand at this blogging thing again. It's been a fantastic past few months that have blessed me with new perspective. In May, I moved to Portland, OR for a three month internship.

The first three weeks were very lonely. Kara and the kids stayed in Utah to finish out the school year. I found myself working hard, really enjoying Portland, but hating having to come home at night to a quiet old house to make dinner for one. I went from being about as busy as I've ever been finishing out the school year while trying to hold things together in a busy church calling, all while trying to get our house ready to rent to having virtually nothing to do. Within short span of ten days, I was released as bishop, finished with finals and driving to Portland. I felt very grateful for wonderful counselors, friends, and family whose support helped us reach that finish line.

Suddenly, with nothing to do, I started the summer in the late Portland spring. My job was fantastic and the friends and experiences had there were invaluable. At the end of the long three weeks, I was finally joined by Kara and the kids and coincidentally, the sun came out as well.

Our summer was filled with adventures. From multiple trips to the coast, becoming true Goonies in Astoria, walking to waterfalls, visiting a volcano, making the most of the many museums, and falling in love with new friends in Portland, our summer was one not to be forgotten.

Most meaningful to me though, was the chance to reconnect as a family. Our family had been so blessed with sweet experiences over the past few years, but I don't think I realized just how much we were being carried through it all. This time away from all distractions - both positive and negative, proved to be the perfect opportunity to assess our covenanted commitment to each other and to the Lord. The kids learned to love each other. While they missed home, and could have benefited from an occasional break that friends provide, I believe they're relationship with each other was strengthened substantially.

While the weekend day trips were exciting, I think what I enjoyed most about them were the long drives to talk with Kara. We have been married for 10 and a half years now. It's touching to reflect on where we were as 22 year old kids who had no business getting married and to consider how sweet that life together has become. I felt that our goals and hopes came together this summer in ways that we haven't experienced before. I am grateful for the faith that we share that seems to keep a gentle breeze in our sails allowing us to look beyond the difficult aspects of the decisions we have made together to see glimpses of tender experiences that lie on the horizon.

The summer like life was beautiful and short.

Headlines and History

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it."

- Winston Churchill

Earlier this week, it was announced that one of my heroes, Major Dick Winters passed away. I never knew Major Winters, I only know of his heroic story as the leader of Easy Company whose World War II exploits were memorialized in the book and mini-series "Band of Brothers". I am grateful for his service and that of so many others. I suppose I have always felt a connection with Major Winters and other World War II heroes because of a close relationship with my own grandfather who served a "honeymoon to Europe" in 1944. History has been kind to these men because of their commitment to the values preserved in a free society. I have given much thought this week to the influence of my current decisions on my own history.

This week, I had the opportunity to hear former secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice speak at BYU. http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/51045930-78/rice-education-security-condoleezza.html.csp Independent of your political persuasions, Dr. Rice's remarks were profound. Much of the remainder of this post will be based on the thoughts prompted by my notes of her discourse. All quotations are attributed to Dr. Rice.

One of the key points of Dr Rice's address was this statement: "Today's headlines and tomorrow's judgement of history are rarely the same."

This statement has caused me to consider what I must do today to ensure that history's judgement of me is right. Dr. Rice elaborated on the thought that in the United States, the social fabric that binds all Americans together is the promise that anyone can come from anywhere to do anything. We do not share a common religion, nor a common race. However, we do share a common hope in the opportunity that is fostered by freedom. Our nation is one of few who advocates that every man, woman, and child is entitled to make choices in a free state. We hold sacred the "non-negotiable demands of human dignity."

Because of this binding fabric, I too have been blessed with tremendous opportunity. I believe there is a sacred obligation placed upon all of us to first recognize the opportunity that we hold and then, to seek to be excellent in our individual pursuit to fulfill our potential. Like Dr. Rice, I believe that"intellect and faith are not enemies", but stand tall together. I believe in "integrating knowledge of what is, with a belief of what will be."

These opportunities should prompt optimism in each of us. "Optimism eschews aggrievement and entitlement." While our circumstances may be out of our control, however, we are always in control of our response to our circumstances. My experience is that optimism for what the future holds can drive our decisions to make headlines today. My own decision to return to school is based largely on my hope to raise the educational expectations for my children. In this respect, I have been influenced by my own progenitors commitment to learning. My father is a first generation college graduate, the son of a farmer in southeastern Idaho. My mother is a second generation college graduate, the daughter of a World War II hero who found time while in Europe to extend his stay for a course on Shakespeare at Stratford on Avon before returning to earn a bachelors degree.

I see the doors that have been opened for me because of my parents decision to set the bar of pursuing higher education. I now want to raise that level of commitment for my children with the belief that my efforts today will bless them with increased opportunity tomorrow. Along with Dr. Rice, I believe that good times are a product, or the harvesting of good decisions made in very difficult times that have past. I am optimistic that the decisions I am making today will generate continued good times for those influenced by me.

The Most Enduring and Powerful Virtue

"Love is the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is not only found at the end of the rainbow. Love is at the very beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, and neighbors. Love, like faith, is a gift from God. It is also the most enduring and powerful virtue."

- Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something, p. 3

I have long loved this little segment from President Hinckley's book. I particularly like the line about love being the "lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home". When I think about love within my home I see how it allows my private life to serve as a training ground for my public life. Now, I like to think that my public and private selves are one in the same, but this is not always the case. Because I find myself occasionally struggling to represent my best self in private, I feel immense gratitude for the adhesive qualities of love that allow forgiveness and mercy to be a part of my home. Because of this security, I am able to work to improve myself in a secure place.

Considering a different facet of this love, I find that the more I am able to demonstrate that I care for others, the more I am able to achieve a transparency between my public and private lives. I find that when this transparency is achieved, I am able to have the greatest influence on others. It seems that this influence is achieved most when other sense love that I have for them. It can be difficult in certain professional arenas to demonstrate love. However, I like to think that there are ways that love, or at least genuine concern can be exhibited even in the toughest professional settings. A simple wave, a warm handshake, taking time to ask about family, etc are all ways to open the doors to an individual’s soul.

Once these doors are open, the wall separating my public self from my private self crumbles and I feel that others can better experience my transparent self. By minimizing my private self, I allow others to see much more of who I am. I believe they are comfortable knowing that I feel love for who they are and what they can become. I have also found that this is the key to earning their confidence and positioning myself to exert righteous influence in their life. Equally, it is the key to allowing them to share their attributes and experiences that can influence me for the better. How rich am I who enjoys love in my associations with family, friends, and neighbors.

A Circus Act

In embarking on this new pursuit of an MBA, we have added a daunting load to an already full plate. I have been frustrated over the past several weeks at the increasingly chaotic but few evening hours spent together at home. This situation has caused some strain on everyone in our house. I knew that starting school would be difficult, but it has posed some unique challenges that are a drain on my physical energy. I find myself exhausted when I get home and not just from the day, but more from looking ahead to the evening and knowing that the short time spent with my family is not strengthening them in any way.

I spent some time discussing a plan for change with my wife. I told her that I appreciated her sacrifices and that I was going to focus on expressing appreciation for her first and foremost. I decided that our time together at home could be improved by organizing more structured time when we were all together. I expected this to enable us to be more productive as a family and also ensure that we could be involved in activities that would strengthen our children and each other rather than give them more stress.

In developing a plan, I recognized that my frustration stemmed from the fact that I was often not living my core values in my daily behaviors. In some ways this realization was refreshing because it served as an indicator of where my family stands within my value system. I decided that despite being stretched on available time, I could consciously allocate my energy within the constrained times to the area of my life that mattered most – my family, and perhaps I could minimize some of the frustration that we all were feeling. One of my incorrect underlying assumptions has been that by virtue of being home together, we are being strengthened.

In reviewing our initial renewed efforts, it has been very refreshing to look back on a week that has not gotten any less busy, but to feel like we have had ample focused time where we have connected as a family. Dealing with competing commitments will be a constant battle, however, I am committed to changing our home environment to be more productive. I also have found it challenging to arrange time to plan productive family time. It is very easy to allow these competing commitments to infringe on my top priorities. I am working to organize more time to read together, to listen, and talk about the day. It is exciting to see the renewed energy within each member of my family as we work to embrace these changes together.

Finding My Place

I made it.... Or, at least, here I am. Me. Really. Finished with my first week as an MBA student. It may not be much of an accomplishment, but really, it is. How to describe it.... Thrilling! Spectacular! Exhausting and Overwhelming. I am so fortunate to be immersed in this environment surrounded by brilliance, curiosity, and energy. For me, this has been a watermark week in a lengthy process to get comfortable in my own skin.

Much in my life is changing. The rigorous process to prepare and now begin this endeavor with the end in mind of securing a foothold that caters to my passions and strengths, and provides opportunity for my family has allowed me to experience deep introspection. After what has been years of feeling the frustration of pursuing professional experiences that are rooted first and foremost in an opportunist mindset focused on "paying the bills", I am finally breaking free of those chains and developing a true confidence in my identity, my strengths, and my potential that is allowing me to be true to myself. I am finally seeing that what I had always been told, that I really can do anything I set my mind to, just might be true.

This has been an interesting road. Seven or eight years ago, I caught myself regularly envying others. I was the king of comparisons, always trying to size myself up to others and even at times, privately stooping to identify shortcomings in others successes to justify my own frustrations with what I felt was a lack of direction in my own life.

Time and experience have adjusted those feelings tremendously. I now take pride in my deep rooted convictions that each person has their own course to chart. All ships must learn to tack in the wind to reach their destinations. Each person has a unique, and even divinely appointed identity. For the past 6 years, it has been my privileged obligation to reach out to individuals within my neighborhood to inspire within them the spirit of Christianity. This experience has stretched me personally by requiring the best that I have to offer on behalf of individuals and families who, like all people, are seeking to establish happiness and prosperity in their lives.

I have had a front row seat in people's most private successes and struggles. I have been there as they've made damaging choices and been blinded by the consequences. I have experienced the "how is it done?" feeling of vision and perspective being restored when the miracle of mercy has been received. I have learned that even "perfect" lives aren't perfect. Above all, I have come to know of the divinity that lies within the human spirit. I have learned that greatness is not discovered in the spotlight, but after diligent development in the still of night, it can be showcased on our own center stage.

As I've witnessed this first hand in the lives of others, I've found myself in continuous awe and gratitude for the experience to see this divinity that is within each soul. The most difficult conversion however has been that within myself. Yet, finally, here I am. Believing. Experiencing. No longer a supportive bystander cheering someone else as they pursue their own course, but finally, opening my eyes to acknowledge the blessings that have been pouring out upon me all along, quietly shaping my character, my values, and my conviction; inspiring me to realize that I am no different. I too have an identity. I can be comfortable in my own skin. There is a destiny for me and quietly, without realizing it, I have been preparing for this pursuit. My course here, is my own and it is one that I embrace and am proud to have charted.