A Circus Act

In embarking on this new pursuit of an MBA, we have added a daunting load to an already full plate. I have been frustrated over the past several weeks at the increasingly chaotic but few evening hours spent together at home. This situation has caused some strain on everyone in our house. I knew that starting school would be difficult, but it has posed some unique challenges that are a drain on my physical energy. I find myself exhausted when I get home and not just from the day, but more from looking ahead to the evening and knowing that the short time spent with my family is not strengthening them in any way.

I spent some time discussing a plan for change with my wife. I told her that I appreciated her sacrifices and that I was going to focus on expressing appreciation for her first and foremost. I decided that our time together at home could be improved by organizing more structured time when we were all together. I expected this to enable us to be more productive as a family and also ensure that we could be involved in activities that would strengthen our children and each other rather than give them more stress.

In developing a plan, I recognized that my frustration stemmed from the fact that I was often not living my core values in my daily behaviors. In some ways this realization was refreshing because it served as an indicator of where my family stands within my value system. I decided that despite being stretched on available time, I could consciously allocate my energy within the constrained times to the area of my life that mattered most – my family, and perhaps I could minimize some of the frustration that we all were feeling. One of my incorrect underlying assumptions has been that by virtue of being home together, we are being strengthened.

In reviewing our initial renewed efforts, it has been very refreshing to look back on a week that has not gotten any less busy, but to feel like we have had ample focused time where we have connected as a family. Dealing with competing commitments will be a constant battle, however, I am committed to changing our home environment to be more productive. I also have found it challenging to arrange time to plan productive family time. It is very easy to allow these competing commitments to infringe on my top priorities. I am working to organize more time to read together, to listen, and talk about the day. It is exciting to see the renewed energy within each member of my family as we work to embrace these changes together.

Finding My Place

I made it.... Or, at least, here I am. Me. Really. Finished with my first week as an MBA student. It may not be much of an accomplishment, but really, it is. How to describe it.... Thrilling! Spectacular! Exhausting and Overwhelming. I am so fortunate to be immersed in this environment surrounded by brilliance, curiosity, and energy. For me, this has been a watermark week in a lengthy process to get comfortable in my own skin.

Much in my life is changing. The rigorous process to prepare and now begin this endeavor with the end in mind of securing a foothold that caters to my passions and strengths, and provides opportunity for my family has allowed me to experience deep introspection. After what has been years of feeling the frustration of pursuing professional experiences that are rooted first and foremost in an opportunist mindset focused on "paying the bills", I am finally breaking free of those chains and developing a true confidence in my identity, my strengths, and my potential that is allowing me to be true to myself. I am finally seeing that what I had always been told, that I really can do anything I set my mind to, just might be true.

This has been an interesting road. Seven or eight years ago, I caught myself regularly envying others. I was the king of comparisons, always trying to size myself up to others and even at times, privately stooping to identify shortcomings in others successes to justify my own frustrations with what I felt was a lack of direction in my own life.

Time and experience have adjusted those feelings tremendously. I now take pride in my deep rooted convictions that each person has their own course to chart. All ships must learn to tack in the wind to reach their destinations. Each person has a unique, and even divinely appointed identity. For the past 6 years, it has been my privileged obligation to reach out to individuals within my neighborhood to inspire within them the spirit of Christianity. This experience has stretched me personally by requiring the best that I have to offer on behalf of individuals and families who, like all people, are seeking to establish happiness and prosperity in their lives.

I have had a front row seat in people's most private successes and struggles. I have been there as they've made damaging choices and been blinded by the consequences. I have experienced the "how is it done?" feeling of vision and perspective being restored when the miracle of mercy has been received. I have learned that even "perfect" lives aren't perfect. Above all, I have come to know of the divinity that lies within the human spirit. I have learned that greatness is not discovered in the spotlight, but after diligent development in the still of night, it can be showcased on our own center stage.

As I've witnessed this first hand in the lives of others, I've found myself in continuous awe and gratitude for the experience to see this divinity that is within each soul. The most difficult conversion however has been that within myself. Yet, finally, here I am. Believing. Experiencing. No longer a supportive bystander cheering someone else as they pursue their own course, but finally, opening my eyes to acknowledge the blessings that have been pouring out upon me all along, quietly shaping my character, my values, and my conviction; inspiring me to realize that I am no different. I too have an identity. I can be comfortable in my own skin. There is a destiny for me and quietly, without realizing it, I have been preparing for this pursuit. My course here, is my own and it is one that I embrace and am proud to have charted.